A few years ago as I was clipping my young son's fingernails, the clippers hit a tender spot and he jerked his hand away causing even more damage. In one of my less compassionate moments as a mom, I said flatly, 'the pain won't hurt you.' What I really meant to say is, 'yes it's tender and you think it's really going to hurt you, but if you hold still, it will all be okay.' But that's not what I said and I will never live down how I really said it. In fact, it has become a family joke. Anytime anyone gets hurt and a discussion of pain opens up--especially if it isn't too serious--you can be fairly certain at some point someone will say, 'the pain won't hurt you.' We laugh and move on.
I've reflected on this since then and have come to realize how profound and not-quite-so paradoxical this statement really is. When any kind of pain comes into our lives--whether it be emotional or physical--we often assume the worst. That it really will hurt us--that it will lead to some damage from which we won't recover. In my experience, the opposite is usually true. If we can resist the impulse to pull away, stay calm and breathe through it, we can typically find a way to cope, learn from it and maybe even be better for it.
So I'm not recommending that you seek or inflict pain intentionally. Or even that you don't express compassion in the presence of pain. I'm just saying, next time it comes on it's own--think 'the pain won't hurt you' and see if it isn't true.
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